Living Against Cultural Norms 11/25/2018, 9th day in Shanghai China, 4 months overseas, written in the middle of the night on my notebook.
I’ve gone through more challenges than I would care to experience following Jesus and ministering to people in different countries. It’s easy to hide behind a computer but when you are interacting and living with people on a daily basis you’ll face many objections and challenges.
For one, sexism.
Another, the spirit of intimidation and control (witchcraft).
Another, hurt.
There were times I had to ask people to put their phones on silent mode in the dorm rooms. In a 8 bed dorm room you’ll encounter plenty of people.
When I asked this guy to silence his phone as all kinds of sounds were coming from his phone (BTW the first night I got woken up by someone watching porn on their phone, no headphones), he ignored me and pretended I didn’t exist.
He finally got off his bed, which is the top bunk above mine.
When I confronted him, he looked away and pretended I didn’t exist.
Then he stared at me and said “are you crazy? Why are you staring at me?”
I was speechless.
This kind of person exists in this world?
When I told other chinese people about it they said I should just ignore it. They ignore many things. To them it’s part of life- longsuffering.
I believe God calls us to forgive and love our enemies, but He doesn’t call us to be silent.
In fact, a prophet is supposed to speak in the face of opposition, persecution and intimidation.
This week I also showed my past TV appearance videos to some people. They were shocked as I was “skinnier” and “prettier” back then, they said.
I said “I didn’t know who I was back then, I felt that I needed to put on makeup but now I don’t feel the need to put on a “face” for anyone.
But those words still affected me and I had to climb out of the “feeling of not being enough” hole. The truth is I didn’t each much back then out of the fear of lack and the fear of gaining weight. When moments like that occur I have to look at Jesus and reaffirm “I am enough in Christ Jesus”.
I had a dream last night I hadn’t changed water in a tank for 3 weeks and the fishes were in a really thick shampooed filled liquid.
I had another dream a woman pastor layed her hands on my head and I started sobbing. When I woke up I could hear myself crying.
The process of loving others is not easy. I find myself angry and hurt at times, laughing at other times.
I share my testimonies and of God’s grace to people who aren’t perfect- like me.
People who are scared of intimacy, vulnerability, letting anotone into their hearts, people who carry a spirit of lack and don’t feel like they are enough, people who feel guilt and shame and sometimes have no capacity to give me any love because they haven’t embraced God’s love.
Even though I experience joy in these friendships， I’m ultimately still a pastor, minister, prophet.
Its not a 2 way street. I may be sharing intimate parts of my heart but I am never to look for belonging or acceptance from people I minister to because my home is God, no one else.
Perhaps the joy I felt caused me to think that I’ve found new friends, but close friends are people who can actually level up with you.
God will humble you and cause your heart to be enlarged, but your heart will also have to process continual rejection and persecution.
Most of the time people don’t understand me but my job is to share what is on God’s heart and know my belonging is in God.
Being a pastor to the lost sheep is not easy.
It’s a calling for people who will surrender to their hearts continually to God.
It’s a calling for warriors.
It’s a calling for those who won’t give up in the face of strong opposition.
Sow a seed